Road trip with kids – Peeing in the Woods

Raise your hand if you have ever  taken a road trip with kids under the year of one? ANYONE? haha – cam aaaaawwwwn  – I know I can’t be the only one crazy to drive 7 hours to Pittsburgh with a toddler?

Actually – I LIKE the drive – I think it’s a lot easier to pull over and let Maximo sprawl out on a blanket on the grass at a rest stop than screaming because I won’t let him leave my lap on a 45 minute flight. Oh, you’re upcoming flight is 9 hours long you say? You’ll be fine! (that’s me lying through my teeth with an evil laugh).

Hysterically – it was ME that had the issues on the drive, not my 11 month old son. I decided it would be a brilliant idea to grab a iced coffee the size of Lake Michigan before we left, and right around the Poconos, it hit me – and bladders that have survived child births just don’t hold the way they used to! Unfortunately for me, there are no rest stops in the mountains. Just lots of roads. Windy roads. With zero pull offs that are safe with a baby. I’m starting to get that uncomfortable squirm – trying to squeeze your legs and still gas through 90 degree curves, uncomfortable squirm.

Then I see the sign for the ‘scenic overlook ahead.” YES!!!!!!!! THEY HAVE TO HAVE A BATHROOM! (Is it me or do 90% of all my stories involve bathrooms??)

At least – it shouldn’t be busy and there will be a private place for me to pull over. Not. The. Case.

There are no bathrooms. There are no private areas. And just to make it even worse, there are two guys chilling in a van at the far corner of the parking lot.

I can’t hold it anymore. I pull adjacent, angle the car and jump to the back door and open like I am checking on Maximo and let it go. Yep, one leg on the car, one leg on the door squat pose. I mean, once you’ve given birth in that public spectacle, you really don’t care much about who has or hasn’t seen your ‘goods’ anymore, anyways. Hey – before you judge me – I GUARANTEE you’ve peed in a parking lot yourself – and I am MORE than willing to bet you weren’t sober either!

So – anyways, Maximo slept through it all – and I jumped back in the car, (thank god for baby wipes!!) and was on my merry way. It was actually EASIER than a rest stop – I didn’t even have to take Maximo out of the car. hahaha – (I AM NOT PROMOTING FREE PEEING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY SIDE PPL!)

Ahhhh – and the road back to my roots as a country girl had officially begun. Why not compliment the rest of the ride with a little Bon Jovi Pandora radio as well? Nothing like Guns and Roses, Motley Crue and Van Halen to make the next 6 hours fly by. Who said a road trip with kids was awful?

Thank God I’m A Country Boy

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, my family are dairy farmers. Holstein Dairy Farmers (the black and white cows).  So now that Maximo was a little older I thought it would be a perfect age to go and visit the farm and let him see where his mom grew up. I mean HEY! He watches the farm everyday on his Baby Einstein videos. There’s nothing better than growing up well-rounded. Living in NYC seeing bums one day, and mucking around in cow poo and riding John Deer tractors the next.

 

 

 

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(LET ME JUST TAKE A SIDE NOTE HERE TO MAKE A RANT AT DISNEY AND BABY EINSTEIN SINCE I BROUGHT THEM UP. YES GEOFF – IT’S YELL VOICE TIME. I tried to plan ahead and download some Baby Einstein to my ipad for the drive – you know, because when you’re driving through banjo country there aren’t a lot of WiFi towers. Well, apparently Disney doesn’t HAVE the videos for download – and when I tweeted at them? They said – hey! Enjoy them on our YouTube Channel. Well, maybe my kid SHOULDN’T be watching your videos since YOU GENIUSES aren’t smart enough to realize WiFi doesn’t work on ROAD TRIPS!!! WTF DISNEY! GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER. So a word to the wise –  before a roadtrip, find something ELSE your child will watch and is download friendly – my suggestion? Curious George. It has a lot of colors and characters that Maximo also seems to like.)

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Back to the story———

One day my son is learning Spanish lullaby’s, the next he’s understanding/actually SEEING that milk comes from cow udders, not your corner bodega.  Seriously – can you get any more extreme? Well, we’re not exposing him to my FULL German roots like knocking down the Berlin wall over in Germany, but hey, let’s start somewhere. I did just encourage him to pee in the great outdoors.

Living in the city you forget about a lot of the simple things in life – and that many amenities that we all DIE for and brag about in New York, are second nature to most of the rest of the country. I actually thought about taking the keys out of the ignition and locking the doors, and then I was like – ummmmm  who’s going to steal the car? The Amish neighbors??? Who aren’t allowed to drive??

And it was peacefully quiet. Not the quiet that you love when everyone finally goes home from the bars at 4 am, but this serenity of quiet. You can actually HEAR the vegetables growing in the fields I kid you not. You can hear the wind coming, whistling up the lines of trees  next to the barn before it even gets to you and you see the leaves moving. (remember those scenes in THE HAPPENING? Just like that, but not creepy). You can actually lay back in the grass and not worry about rumaging your hair on a dirty paper cup or crack needle. AHHHH yes, New York – this kind of clean country really does exist!

 

 

So where do I start? What did Maximo love the best? UM EVERYTHING.

Bouncing on the trampoline? Check.

Letting a newborn calf eat his hand? Check.

Ride around on a tractor? Check.

Let puppies jump and wrestle on top of him? Check. CHECK.

 

I don’t think I have ever seen him fall asleep faster in the car than he did when we left. I don’t think I had even buckled him in and he was KOed.

Of course after all that we had ALL worked up an appetite and what is better than visiting the farm? HOME COOKED COUNTRY FOOD! Listen people – you DO realize that all those homemade crust apple pie recipes on my blog are the REAL DEAL right?? O. M. G. Since it was Memorial Day, we decided to go out to eat as a treat! Unlike in the city where we eat out everyday – haha.

I swear, I have NEVER had better warm apple pie (well, maybe other than my own haha) than I did at that teenie little country cooking kitchen in Mercer. And it was cute how all the locals looked at us – because obviously Maximo and I don’t look like farmers, even though we were covered in dirt head to toe. Maybe it was just because Maximo is quite the handsome young fellow and all those little old ladies  couldn’t get enough of him.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE living in NYC, but there really is nothing better than going home. Just breathing some fresh country air, filling your belly with wholesome milk right from the cow, and warm apple pie that really was made with heart and soul – you can just feel your soul being revived. This must be how all those Chicken Soup for the Soul books originated??

So we’re back in NYC – and even though we’re back to yelling at cabbies, stepping over drunks and dodging rats, there’s nothing better than that warm feeling in your heart to know that – you can always go home. <3