Trust me, I am not a “calm” person by nature. I am loud, outspoken and occasionally kick a cab when it gets too close to my stroller. However, as a parent, I tend to let my son “be a kid.” Let me give you some examples.
Scenario #1
The other day I attended a “kid-friendly” birthday party for a mom. Since the invite stated to bring the kids along, I brought Max. It was a setup. This was not a kid-friendly home. Everything was made of glass or had sharp edges—and they were all within reach of my toddler’s hands. Surprisingly, they have two kids of their own, and all the kids (ages 4 to 10) were confined to the bedroom to play. I think you can see where this is going.
Toddlers don’t like to be confined. Toddler boys like to climb, explore and maybe toss some toys around. As long as he’s not going to send anyone to the emergency room, or costing me a month’s rent in damage, I let him do his thing. However, sometimes this isn’t okay to other parents. Especially uptight parents. Max didn’t want to play with the kids—he wanted to climb up on the couch and look out the window at the trains going by outside. Nothing wrong there, I thought, but apparently this made the host extremely nervous. Then Max got overly excited and threw a rubber toy on the floor.
It was later brought to my knowledge that the hosts were not fond of Max, and thought he was going to dent their wood floors or break something, including his neck climbing on the couch. So, why say this is a kid-friendly event? I felt like I was on that episode of Sex and the City where the hosts don’t serve brown food or drink at a house party because they don’t want to risk any spills. If you’re going to act like this, why have a party (or invite kids) in the first place?
If you had to choose between Max having a full breakdown in front of everyone because I won’t let him watch the trains, which is harmless, or making him sit in a bedroom with older kids, what would you do? Being the classy person that I am, I just calmly rounded up Max’s things and left without saying good-bye and causing a scene. But since when were kids expected to act like perfect angels under the age of two?
Scenario #2
There was once an awful scary time when I had to call 911 and an ambulance showed up. (You can read the entire story here.) I rode with Max to the hospital, holding him in the back of the ambulance and the medics told me I was the calmest mother they had ever seen. I didn’t think anything of it, and took it as a compliment that I could stay calm in an emergency situation.
Later I learned that it’s a red flag, and the natural reaction is to freak out. Being calm can mean we actually hurt our child, looking for attention like we are the hero. I swear! I even know a friend who was reported for being too calm!
As a child, I grew up on a farm far away from people and hospitals. I learned that when something serious happens, you have to be able to stay calm and react because guess what—no one is there to help you. There were no cell phones, and the closest hospital could be over 30 minutes away from your home. If you were in the field, on a tractor—well, let’s just say we hope it isn’t life threatening!
Are we teaching ourselves as parents, and thus showing our children, that it’s not okay anymore to remain calm or take a step back? To let children explore and climb? Some people scour when I tell them I have been taking Max on the New York City subway since he was two months old. How could I ever expose my child to such filth? Well, guess what, Maximo never even got sick until after he turned one. How’s that for exposure?
My point?
If you say your place is kid-friendly, make sure you aren’t going to need a Xanax because I bring my son along.
If you see my son climbing on the jungle gym on the playground, know that I am there and watching, but from a distance. He’s fine.
Realize that if some seriously bad stuff goes down, you’re going to be happy there is a calm mom like me around to help handle the situation.
This post was originally published on MommyNearest.com.
