Being pregnant makes you realize that it takes a lot more to be embarrassed these days. With that – I must admit that most of my mishaps in pregnancy just seem to involve bathrooms (or lack of lol). WHY? I am perplexed because until about 3 weeks ago, I wasn’t in need of one every hour on the hour – so how these all happened BEFORE scares me to think of how I am going to survive these last 4 1/2 weeks….
Please indulge yourself in my misery:
Once upon a time in a lovely loud bustling place they call New York City, a bubbly little pregnant girl was strolling through the city when she stumbled upon a green block they refer to as a park. This one is called Bryant Park. Remembering from a few weeks back, some lovely readers of her happy little pregnancy blog told her that Bryant Park boasts the cleanest and nicest bathrooms in ALL of New York City!!
Taking a moment to pause, she realized that INDEED! she could use the bathroom and skipped her way into the lush scenery to find them.
Upon walking in, it truly was a work of art – large fresh flower bouquets, clean, shiny floors, and it smelled of fresh rose petals. Where am I she wondered? As this was out of context from normal life in the city, which smelled of dog pee, constant taxis swearing and honking and fresh garbage blowing across her feet.
She proceeded to wait in line, patiently waiting to see what awaited her inside. A scorned old lady behind kept making rude comments to the ladies in line. Irritating others, she just brushed it off. Typical New York remarks, she thought to herself and then proceeded to enter her stall.
What a vision of beauty! The toilet seat actually had a button you push that rolls out a new plastic liner for you to sit on – clean and soft! Amazing she thought! Why don’t ALL toilets have these?? As she was settling in, she heard the scorned old lady remark that how much FASTER the other lady had come out so that she could use the facilities. Typically, this sweet little pregnant girl would’ve yelled out – HEY A**HOLE I’M PREGNANT! But she was enjoying the serenity of the large, spacious stall that she decided to brush it off.
What a relaxing moment in this often rushed city she thought! I shall venture to this lush, green park more often!
As she was buttoning her pants – there was a knock on her door. “Excuse me miss, this is security. We were told you were in there for an EXTREMELY LONG TIME and we need you to come out.”
She threw open the door and stared the security guard in the face – “Excuse ME, but I am pregnant and it just HAPPENS to take me a couple moments extra to use the restroom.” The security guard looked embarrassed, and said that a scorned old lady had told her that someone had been in there for way too long. Thinking to herself – she thought, is 4 minutes to use the bathroom a really long time? WHO WAS THIS SCORNED OLD LADY!!!!
She simply replied, “4 minutes isn’t very long for a pregnant girl. Thanks.” as she brushed past the long, line of waiting women who all had their heads down to avoid eye contact.
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As I walked out of the bathroom and back into reality, I quickly scanned the park for Aston Kutcher to come running at me and declare I had just indeed been PUNKED!
But no, unfortunately I was just a victim of a hit and run savage old woman.
I attribute it to living in NYC, and I am also attributing this to a being some wild old woman who escaped a psychiatric nursing home that came in and attacked me as some sort of pay back to a traumatic encounter she had earlier in life.
Whatever the circumstance – just be warned – There are CRAZY OLD LADIES RUNNING AROUND and they like to PREY on preggos in Bryant Park!
I mean REALLY??? A security guard for the BATHROOMS and this “woman” (i use quotes as I am unsure she is really human but rather some demon sent to earth to torture) thought I was in there TOO long?? I mean I wasn’t a passed out bum shooting up Heroin. I wasn’t even “sick” I used the bathroom like any OTHER regular user. And it’s no surprise she didn’t stick around to see how the security guard handled it – I would’ve introduced HER to my little pregnant fist that would’ve left her knocked out in the stall for an “EXTREMELY LONG TIME.”
So I must say – Bryant Park will NOT be visited by me anytime soon. It’s been over a month and I am still feeling the pangs of humiliation.
Come back, come back to Pittsburgh ——- the people are more bearable!
haha – this is true Kimmy!
That is a very clean bathroom though!!! Sorry you were bothered by this demon and nasty security guard.